Habits of the Hub-Bound U-Haul

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Excerpt from the non-existent Habits of the Hub-Bound U-Haul:

While there are stragglers who wait until the later moments in the season, as well as those who flee from the nest early in the hopes of finding undisturbed ground, migratory scientists have identified a small window of peak movement by flocks of the Hub-Bound U-Haul (studentis allstonhemenway). The Northern-Bound U-Haul can be easily identified by its bright colors, poorly-packed cargo area and erratic driving in Boston streets. Do not be fooled by its defensive tactics of Arizona license plates and clever art drawings of other states, the Hub-Bound U-Haul began its nomadic quest in the South Shore. One key species exception is the Northern-Bound U-Haul (studentis bergencounty), which began its adventure in territorial New Jersey and is more likely to be found in the Commonwealth Avenue area. The natural prey of all related species in the genus is the Low Clearance Sign (notruckson storrow).

(The above also works so much better if you read it with a National Geographic and/or Monty Python narrating voice. The Hub-Bound and Northern-Bound U-Hauls are both capable of carrying a coconut to Mercia.)