The Onion Puts New Englanders In Their Place

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I think I’ve already established that I hate Autumn. The days get shorter. The nights longer. The weather is colder. And more people pour into my gym because it’s too cold to run outside or play in intramural kickball or bike into oncoming traffic. I’m the Grinch of Fall.

So when the Onion published this article making fun of everyone in Boston celebrating Fall, I laughed pretty damn hard to myself at my kitchen table over my oatmeal.

This is a variation of every New Englander I know. Phrases like ‘sweater weather’, ‘pumpkin beer’, and ‘Pats game’ are common place this time of season. It called us out on every single Fallism we say. From root vegetables to being excited that it might dip into the 30s; this is us, Boston friends. And I’ve even become guilty. I smiled when I went riding boot shopping the other day.

But there is something special about Autumn in New England. I hate saying (typing) that because it makes me sound like a pretentious jerk. But it’s true. The explosion of leaves changing color is something everyone has to see. Driving along the Kancamagus highway in October, corn mazes, apple picking, Honk Fest, colorful scarves and hot apple cider.

So while The Onion is completely accurate in writing this, remember that imitation (and parody) is the sincerest form of flattery. No, it’s not that their jealous of us. They just don’t understand that Fall here is a long, beautiful fun experience. Not three weeks of crappy, cold rainy weather. That’s Spring for us.