We Love Festivus – Airing of Grievances 2012

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Ah yes, the holiday season.

Family, fun and Seinfeld references. Which brings us to the first ever We Love Beantown Airing of Grievances. We love this town, it says so in our name. But for one day, we choose to recognize the ever important holiday of Festivus and let our issues with the city fly.

Dave: You know where I’m going to start? Getting on the Pike at Newbury and Mass Ave. It seems that no matter what the weather or time of year, the sun is guaranteed to be in your mirror and someone is going to be tailgating down your bumper as you try to look for idiot drivers who hug the right lane on the blind on-ramp. Others receiving votes this year include the love of the Seaport being ruined by the challenge of getting there from town, whatever the hell that sport was the Red Sox were trying to play in 2012, the old-timey-carolers who walk the Prudential Center this time of year and my inability to find a Jamba Juice that is open at the right time and/or not on a college campus.

Scott: With this being my first Boston Festivus, I’m a bit new to already hate much this city has to offer. I haven’t gone through a winter like you had two years ago, nor have I ever been told to GFM by a local restaurant – but like any red-blooded America, I can always drum up some things to complain about. Let’s start with the MBTA as a whole.  While you get me from point A to B mainly because I’m using you during rush hour, I otherwise don’t think you run often enough. Weekends are sporadic and while your bus app does work great, when I look at it and see 30 minutes between the bus that just left me in the dust and the next to arrive, I typically just hoof it to my final destination. So yes, an excellent exercise app it is, job well done. Secondly, I hate how the cabs in Somerville are cash only; its 2012 and nobody caries around the physical bills you desire. For those bikers using Hubway, you should be ticketed if you ride without helmets because like ZipCar drivers, you have no idea how to operate that bike you’re on. Lastly, to the Massachusetts drivers with ‘MASSHOLE’ bumper stickers, why?   

Drea: I’d like to speak specifically to city employees. The street cleaning – why the incessant street cleaning/ticketing/towing racket? In the morning, before 6am, I see your meter maids drafting tickets in the Boston Transit van, only to get when it’s time to apply a ticket to a car. Also, the water main replacement on Newbury has rendered the street I live on impossible to park on after 7 am. Why? You aren’t there yet, construction workers. But the cops and meter maids are. Also, to the fine folks at my management company – you said in November 2011, the laundry would be replaced Q1 2012. Heading into Q1 2013, I still must whore myself to friends and family in return for a little suds action. So, happy holidays to you. NOT. Also, slow walkers in the mall and on Newbury. Move it, people.

Alex D: MBTA. Traffic on Storrow at 9pm or 11:45pm on a Wednesday…yea yea you are doing construction…On what?? Bars closing at 2, T at 12ish. The B line near BU, honestly walk a block you are in a city. The Yankees.  Bikers when you are a pedestrian, I am more afraid of them steamrolling me in a cross walk on their single speed than a semi… THEY CAN’T/WON’T STOP! Yankee fans. The fact that I have recieved 3 parking tickets in the past 2 months while parking in legitimate spots. Slow shufflers on Newbury. That you can’t get from North to South stations directly, and that South Station does not connect to the green line. The cost of cab fare. Oh yea and Yankees Suck.

Maloney: The Patriots. Patriots fans. Brady’s hair. Gronk’s spiking. Bill Belichick hoodie. Bill Belichick. Robert Kraft’s Audition Tape. Foxborough’s poor layout where there’s only one road in and out. Patriots fans who are so delusional they’re reading this and thinking “Oh, you’re just jealous.” Oh, and bars close at 2am but the T stops running at midnight. Worst idea ever.

Alex L-S: My complaints can be summed up in three words: beaches, booze, and buses. How can it be that Boston is on the water but more-than-decent beaches are hard to find? The M Street beach is Southie is a joke. Beaches are made of sand, not hard sharp rocks. You say-no, no go to Crane in Ipswich so that you can pay $20 to park and be bitten alive by larger-than-life freaky bugs. Okay, okay, maybe it’s unfair to expect the palm tree lined, sun setting behind the pier, tan surfer filled California beaches that I grew up with, but I’m just sayin…Booze. My gripe list includes: no drink specials or true happy hours, bars that close at 1 AM, Trader Joes and Whole Foods in the city don’t sell alcohol, and Shaw’s requires a passport if you are under 25 and have an out of state drivers license. Buses (and the MBTA in general), you are a sad state. Having three 1 buses trail together in some sort of conga line IS NOT EFFECTIVE. Miss one of those and you’ll be waiting for all three to travel to Harvard Square and back. As Scott says, better start walking. And could you please extend service past 12:30 AM? I know you say ‘we take that time to do maintenance’ blah blah. This is the 21st century. Boston is not some bumblefuck town in a fly over state. I think the MBTA is having an affair with late night cab service companies.