The “At Fenway” Music Video Frame-By-Frame Breakdown

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‘At Fenway’ is something that happened to all of us, regardless of choice.

This absurdity has been described by Bill Simmons as “one of the worst moments in Red Sox history.” Let’s break down the atrocity frame-by-frame, shall we?

It starts so simply, just a boy and his dream at an empty stadium:

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Then your standard crowd shots definitely now being staged to chant Fenway. Now, that painfully close camera, obnoxious spot light coming down on it and the excitement of the crowd tells you the authenticity you need to know:

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And now that guy who’s singing it in a tux on the warning track, looking a little too much like the guy from Big Bang Theory. What, it would be too hard to put some scores up on the Monster?

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That’s not Jason Varitek!

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I count ten ads on the Monster that conveniently made their way into this shot.

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Come on, you’re singing AT FENWAY. No need to have the brooding, ominous picture of yourself on the jumbotron behind you.

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GIVE IT TO A KID. GIVE IT TO A KID. Also, a frat boy with a Papelbon shirzey and a beer in one hand would have tackled him and his tux.

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See, here’s the problem with this video: I’m still sensitive about last year, and there’s an outside chance that anyone who was in uniform in September could have seen playing time. Brian Evans step away from the batter’s box. Step. Away. Additional point here is the empty seats behind home plate, and you know they’re still counting it as a sell out.

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SHATNER. I knew it.

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The other guy is a Weird Al doppelganger. Just saying.

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Alright, here’s some general baseball questions on the next one. First, that is either a really slow roller or maybe I should reconsider Brian Evans’ place in the line-up if he can beat out a grounder to the second baseman. Second, scoreboard is indicating that the game is over: no yellow numbers in the bottom of the ninth in a 5-2 loss for the Sox.

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Yep, William, I agree with you. Whoop. De. Doo. Even better, this works as the perfect metaphor for Red Sox upcoming season. Empty seats, forced enthusiasm and an aging, cartoonish star.

You will think of this smile and never sleep again.

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This is on you, FSG. This one is on you.