The Seven Worst People on the T

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People live in cities to complain about the things that make living in a city, well, life.

Among the chief concern? Public transit. Don’t believe us? Do a morning scan of the words MBTA and fail and you’ll get a delightfully self-centered approach to people being annoyed with what is generally more convenient than traffic and most systems.

Yesterday, NYC-based Gawker ran a list of the worst people you meet on the subway in their fair city. Today, we join in the hate and give you the Boston-fied list, a collaborative effort of all the authors here at We Love Beantown to talk about the demons of humanity who ride the T.

Green Line (MBTA)

1. The Bus-Cash-Payer – Just like waiting in line behind someone at a vending machine, the person forced to pay cash on the bus never has a crisp bills. Maybe they have a $5 bill and are threatening to pay for multiple people. They don’t understand that change isn’t an option for their $20. Any time we hear that bill being spit back out at the vending machine, we have flashbacks of rage to that time on the Silver Line where the 10th, 11th and 12th times weren’t enough for that Bus-Cash-Payer.

2. The Faregate Power Forward – Since all of the turnstiles in the MBTA system go both ways, you will inevitably have that moment when someone is trying to rush out of the station blowing right by someone’s attempt to scan into the station. The Faregate Power Forward is a pro-pick-setter who gets called for moving screens less often than LeBron. The true western standoff; whoever has the fastest draw comes out alive.

3. The “My Bag Is More Important Than You” Guy – Because T trains, especially on the Green Line, offer staggered seating, you don’t always have the ability to put your bag on the floor ahead of you whilst in the set of seats not parallel to the doors. That doesn’t mean you can take that MBTA Love Seat and spoon with your bag. Jerk.

Forest Hill Station - Jamaica Plain, MA

 

4. Excessive PDA Couple – While far from an exclusive MBTA experience (there should be a full on public ban on PDA on any public transit systems), there are a few quirks about the T that need to be taken into account. First off, if one of you is using the pole as your own personal stripper pole, that’s bad off, but then having your partner then use you as their pole? That’s just all kinds of Human Centipede disgusting. And don’t get all cutesy on the stairs of the Green Line. People have to walk through that corner stairwell.

5. Disgruntled Drivers – Yes, we generally appreciate the T primer, but we know the back doors on the Green line only open during rush hour. Yes, we’ll bob and weave our way to the front. Yes, we know you won’t close the doors “until everyone moves into the train.” What’s that, “Come up and pay your fare?”

6. Red Line Park Street to Government Center Commuter – There are so many places across the system where we could make fun of someone for going one stop (and that doesn’t even include the trolley lines), but the absolute worst may be the suit who comes in from the suburbs via the Red Line, gets off at Park and then goes one stop on the green line to Government Center. There is nothing wrong with this, of course, it’s justinfuriatingly lazy.

7. Guy Trying to Get to Fenway on the E Line – You’re just fooling yourself.